Don't be completely like me...

I have a lot of fears for my children.  What normal parent doesn't?!  Some of my fears are irrational, uncontrollable, or a little neurotic, but I have a few that are pretty normal.  One of my fears isn't necessarily scary, but it is more concerning.  I do NOT want my children to have to suffer through shyness or have the ability to become a constant and willing doormat.

One of the traits I hate most about myself is my complete shyness. It can come off as snobby, rude, or disinterested, when in actuality it is just fear of being socially accepted.  Many people, my husband included, are the type of people who just know what to do in social situations and think that shyness is something that is easy to overcome...it's NOT.  Practice does not make perfect.  It can actually make it worse due to the fact when you are thrown into a situation and you do not know what normal protocol is for this situation you will basically just shut down out of fear of embarrassment and be back to square one.

So more to my point... I am sooooo scared that one of my children will be shy.  I am doing everything in my power to make it so they won't be, but at some point I am beginning to wonder if it is genetic.  One of the many reasons I had children close together in age was so they would always grow up knowing how to interact with people close to their age group.  I send them to "school" (which is a small daycare) once a week so they will be around other children, even though our pediatrician told me not to expect too much out of either one of them until they enter "school age" about 4 or 5.  I have been sending both of them since they turned 1 year old...I figured it was never too early to start.  I just can't bear to watch Max, who is already acting a little shy, look down at the ground when people talk to him or only want to play with me and his brother no matter who else is around.  It makes me feel so sad for him when I ask if he wants to go play with his friends and his answer is "no I so scared."  Is this a stage?  Is it genetic?  Is it observed behavior?

The other trait that just sucks to live with is letting people use you as a doormat.  Sitting up and shutting up to not cause waves just sucks!  Why is it that I would rather someone else belittle me than cause a big stink about it?  Why does it take so much for me to say anything and at that point I am so very pissed that the damage is almost irreparable? I like to look on the positive side and say I am very tolerant, patient and easy going, but when you cut the shit and just tell it like it is, I am a push-over 95% of the time.  I am definitely not a push-over type of parent.  I have very strict rules, but within those strict rules I allow freedom.  Yes it sounds contradictory, but trust me it works.  But socially, I am a push-over.

I do not want my children to go through life telling their friends, "I don't care what do you want to eat, do, see, etc.." When in actuality sometimes they really do care.  I especially don't want them to have to put up with little punks who like to take little jabs at them daily.   Where do you draw the line?  How do you teach your children not to be a push-over but at the same time be tolerant, compassionate, and considerate?  How do you teach them that it is ok to have an opinion or need sometimes, but you just need to find the right and appropriate ways to express these? I don't want my children to be treated like a doormat, but I also don't want them to act like a spoiled toddler or later in life a bully.

Anyways, these are just the parenting issues that have been keeping me up at night lately.