I want to be very clear on something. Not all birthmother are considered angels...most of them are complete and absolute monsters!!
While going through the long process of adoption we were often times presented with situations for adoption and the situations read more like a rap sheet, such as:
Code name : Bethany
Age 32
Race: Caucasian
30 weeks pregnant
Birth father is unknown
Bethany is 30 weeks pregnant with her 4th child, she has placed 2 prior children for adoption.
She currently smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and drink on occasion.
Upon finding out she was pregnant (at 20 weeks!!!!) she began making her placement plan. She continues to use crack/cocaine weekly and refuses to enter a methadone program for her perscription drug addiction.
She has been incarcerated 3 times for theft and violence and is currently on paraole. Living expenses not to excede $5,000
Price- $ 30,000 not including finalization
WHAT THE HELL?!
Yeah, great she is giving her baby up do adoption, but she has no choice, hopefully the state would just take the baby away at delivery, but states like Oklahoma will not...don't even get me started on that! Birthmothers like this make me so very angry. They want to be praised for their "brave decision" and I am supposed to respect her for "doing the right thing." Not a chance. First of all, she didn't notice she was pregnant until she was 20 weeks along, she must have been completely wasted the whole time I guess. So, no prenatal care. When she found out she was pregnant it was life as usual...sounds like a crack whore to me. She does not deserve my respect.
Our birthmother was young and yes, she did do a brave thing, but she was by no means a perfect angel either. I will be forever grateful for her giving me the most amazing gift and I will also be grateful that she stayed away from crack/cocaine. I'm not going to go into details about our birthmother on my blog because I am not sure how Abilene will feel about it when she is older.
Myth #3
Adoption is all about money. Those who say otherwise are completely and totally dilusional. Just by reading the situation above and seeing that a baby from a crack whore is going to cost you at least $30,000 should tell you that. They should be literally giving that baby to a family who is willing to accept such a HUGE challenge of raising the unknown (dealing with possible FAC, withdraws in the nicu that could stop the heart, development delays, and possibly hepatitis C from drug use) and dealing with a crazy person for a birthmother.
Yes, you can adopt and you can do it quickly, but its going to cost you...a lot. Many, if not all agencies price adoptions based on race, they say this is because african american babies do not get adopted, so they make the price less and more afforable to "help families out" and hopefully "encourage the adoption of african american babies."
Hmmm....so you are saying that if I want to adopt a black baby you can make it happen for 10,000-15,000...I guess the court cost just magically disapears? However, if I want a white or an Asian baby is going to cost me a lot more, supply and demand? So these adoption agencies are proving that they can complete and adoption for less, but they just won't do it for every baby. This whole part of adoption is heartbreaking for me.
I would LOVE to adopt again (internationally this time). However, we can't because for some reason adoption is crazy expensive. There is proof that it doesn't have to be expensive and the agencies will talk circles around you tell you why it is so expensive and get really mad at you and refuse to work with you when you just ask "so how much is it going to cost me to buy a baby?" Why that questions offends them I don't know. That is what you are doing! You are going to an agency (the baby store) giving them descriptions of the type of baby you want for your family and they are giving you a price of how much it is going to take to make it happen.
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| These 2 beautiful babies live in DRC (the poorest country in the world, yet it take 30,000 to bring them home! |
I do understand that court documents and attorneys do require money. If it was truly about helping unborn babies and orphans then the agencies would pocket a lot less and adopt out a lot more.
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