I will get there eventually

I have never been a fast runner, but I have always been able to just keep on going slowly for quiet a ways.  When I say I am not fast, I mean it...10 minute miles are accomplishments for me!  So I decided that I would give myself the goal of running the half marathon in Dallas.  I had no idea how to train and I really didn't have much time to do it, especially since I am usually pushing both the boys when I am running and I know I am not going to get very far doing that.  I partially set the goal of running it to loose some weight in get in shape for the summer and the other part was because I always wanted to run a full marathon and I figured this was a stepping stone to it.  I did loose some weight while I was training, but not as much as I wanted to, so I still have a little bit to go, but what I also realized is that running a full marathon is going to be very very very very hard!!  

I was supposed to run with a friend from Dallas, but we showed up to the race at different times and with the crowd of people it was impossible to find each other in time.  I think we finished about 5 minutes apart from each other, but we never saw each other.  I was doing great the first 7 miles thinking that this race was going to be a piece of cake!  I was able to keep up with the pace leader of a 2 hour 30 minute finish time and it was feeling easy....and then the 2 mile hill came.  I was able to keep up and started thinking that maybe a 2 hour 45 minute finish time would be ok with me for my first time.  Before I knew it I was with the 3 hour pace and dealing with my frustration and exhaustion at the same time.  If I could have just let it go and be happy that I was finishing, like I kept telling myself over and over while I was training, I probably would have finished better, but I was too frustrated to even think about it.  The last 2 miles were excruciatingly painful.  I had never had a cramp in my knee before, but it was happening and I knew if I stopped to walk or stretch that it would only get worse.  So unfortunately my finish line pictures look more than pathetic and I look swollen and dehydrated at the same time, if that is even possible.  As soon as I crossed the finish line I was so proud that I made it and then I thought ok...go do that again right now and you have your marathon!!  Lets just say I am going to have to train a whole lot more before I can even begin to think of running a marathon.  

The best part of the whole experience was getting to watch my boys cheer me on.  Reed, Max and Jerry were all there yelling for me and even Autumn was there at the end to buy me my 13.1 sticker and give me a big hug not caring that I was covered in sweat.  When I crossed the finish line the time said 3 hours and 5 minutes.  I technically accomplished my goal because i finished. but I was really hoping for 2 hours and 30-45 minutes.  I guess I will just have to do it again :)  

The beginning of the race, not even the sweaty and disgusting yet 

At the end, just about to die!

So happy to be finished!! Even if I do look terrible and there is some weird guy in the background.  

*Don't worry I paid for this pictures, but they only come in hard copies, so I took these off the internet.

Our best family trip yet!!

Ever since the boys have been born we constantly been traveling.  We took Max on a ski trip when he was just 9 weeks old and there have been many more since then.  Usually the trip isn't much of a break and its a lot of work, especially just getting othere, but this trip was perfect!

Sleeping on the plane

Max is at the golden age where he is just excited about everything and he rarely throws a fit anymore.  We only had a total of 3 fits while we were on vacation...and I wanted to throw a fit 2 of the times also, so I really couldn't blame him (airport security really is a pain in the butt!).    He was excited about the airplane ride and the hum of the motor just but him right to sleep for a little bit of the flight.  He was extremely excited to see the blue water and the beach and even more excited when I told him we would be swimming everyday!  We did have one problem for the first 3 days...Max is VERY picky about his food.  He will usually only eat if I have cooked it or McDonalds...neither one of these things would be happening in Turks and Caicos.  So for the first 3 days he lived of frosted flakes and a few cookies.  Just as I was about to break down and find a grocery store and figure out a way to cook something he miraculously started eating everything!  Soon breakfast became one of his favorite things about the trip!  Every morning there was an amazing breakfast buffet and Max loved to go and get a stack of pancakes, bowl of fruit loops, and some ice cream juice (a fresh banana smoothie).  We were also able to take him on a parasail ride.  I was pretty skeptical at first, I thought we would get up there and he would freak, but he kept saying the whole trip that he wanted to fly, so the last day we were able to take him.  The crazy kid loved it!!  He didn't get a bit scared and I have to admit I was pretty scared at first because I felt completely out of control.  We were 60 feet up in the air and Max was screaming for them to go faster and he just loved when the boat driver would let us fall really fast and dip our feet in the water and bring us right back up.  It is a memory I will never ever forget.  My little 3 year old dare devil.  Needless to say he did not want to "go back to the home," and neither did I.

Jerry was a little more of a challenge than Max because he is still extremely schedule oriented.  He hates being late for his nap and punishes everyone around if he is late.  So keeping him up for the plane ride was a huge, cranky challenge.  But on the way there he slept at least half of the way.  The way back was a plane ride straight from hell, luckily the hell only lasted 3.5 hours.  Jerry gets excited about everything Max is excited about, even if he doesn't really even know what is going on.  They are so cute to watch play together and see their excitement build.  We were able to take Jerry on a banana boat ride and it was a sight I will never forget.  Jerry is still soooo tiny he is still wearing an infant life vest, so he was adorable to see on this huge banana boat float.  I sat behind him and tried to not be terrified that something bad might happen, while the boat driver went an incredibly slow 3-5 mph as per my request.  Jerry was sitting on his butt with his knees curled up to him and his tiny little feet poking out from underneath his life jacket and the whole time he would scream "weee."  He just loved it.  However, for the rest of the trip anytime he saw a banana boat drive by he would scream," My boat, get it get it!"  I guess he thought since he rode it that it was now his.

My two sisters and Reed also became officially scuba certified on this trip!!!  I am so excited about this because scuba diving is possibly one of my most favorite activities and now I have some people to enjoy it with.  They passed all their tests with flying colors.  We were able to go diving 3 times.  The water was beautiful.  The first two dives I went with mom and dad because Reed, Autumn, and Alex were still taking classes.  But mom and I were able to get super close to a sea turtle, see a ton of lion fish, stingrays, and way too many sharks for our liking.  Dad just loves to see sharks...not sure why.  Mom, unfortunately wasn't able to go on the big group dive because on her second dive she got a reverse block in her ear, which I am told is an incredibly painful experience.  She was sooo upset that she couldn't go, but that just gives us an excuse to go on another diving trip.  Autumn is terrified of sharks, so of course on her first official dive as being scuba certified we saw 6 or 7 sharks (not sure if there was 6 or 7 because I felt like I saw the same shark twice), but she took it like a champ.  Alex is also pretty scared of sharks and you really don't want to be around her when she sees one because she will push whoever she is with in front of her so the shark doesn't see her...she is defiantly not my dive partner!  Reed did an amazing job, but he tends to use ALOT of air!  He is always giving the half tank signal while the rest of us have tons of air left.  I told him we just need to dive more and he will learn how not to use so much, needless to say he is hooked!  I think it is one of his favorite hobbies now too.

The trip was absolutely amazing and I hope to post pictures soon, Reed has the camera at work now and I suspect he will be working a whole lot, so I won't be seeing him much this week.  I only wish we didn't have to wait another year before next spring break.  Thanks so much mom and dad for taking us with you!!  It was defiantly the best trip ever, filled with memories we will never, ever forget!

My time....

I think every wife and mother is faced with the particular dilemma of trying to figure out when we can have time for ourselves!  Most of the time I just crave the moments when I can drink a huge glass of sweet tea, eat a huge bag of popcorn, and watch something shamelessly girly or trashy on T.V.  without someone asking for a drink, bite, or listening to my husband groan if I flip the channel to lifetime, oxygen, or tlc.  However, every time I am presented with this opportunity I feel immediately guilty or selfish.  I should be cherishing every moment I have with my children while they are still young and want to spend every second with me and I should be ecstatic that my husband wants to spend time with me after 3 years of marriage and 2 toddlers later (I would think most men would be running for the hills!).  But I really need some "me" time!

Most of the time I only allow myself to be selfish after everyone in my house has gone to sleep and then I am faced with deciding if I need sleep or "me time" more.  It's almost an impossible decision!  Usually sleep wins...but there are times that I will stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning catching up on tv shows, surfing facebook, reading/writing blogs, etc...  And of course the next day I immediately regret every minute of it because I am exhausted and nap time seems like a distant dream.

Luckily, a friend has just moved back into town and she has been a breath of fresh air!  She helps me to remember that I am the best mom I can be when I have a break and she is even so bold to tell me when I need a break!  Its refreshing to have a different perspective and have someone there for me that can keep me grounded.  While I am sure my children drive her crazy sometimes, she is always willing to come to the house and endure the craziness that comes with my house.  I never feel like she is judging me and I know she is always there to listen.  I am so thankful that now when I need "me time" I feel less selfish because she is either there to indulge in time with me or reassure me that I am doing nothing wrong.

Summer time is coming soon!

My first fear! 

As summer time is quickly approaching my two biggest parenting fears become something that I don't just think about every now and then, like I do in the winter, but an hour by hour, or if my children are not with me, a minute by minute obsession.  When my children were younger my biggest fear was that they would be with a baby sitter and choke on something and I wouldn't be there to fix it.  When Max was born premature and most people are not aware that you have to teach premature babies how to eat, which means the parents have to learn a completely new way of feeding an infant...something completely contradictory because it is completely opposite of feeding a full term baby.  While Max was learning to eat (I guess I mean drink milk) he choked ALOT!  I guess what I am saying is that is where my fear of my children choking stemmed from.  I would go crazy hiding any type of food in the house that looks like something they might choke on, lie to people and tell people my kids were allergic to anything I was scared they might choke on, or just instruct people not to feed my child anything while I was gone.  Yep...I'm a little neurotic!  Thankfully, I have loosened up a lot and that isn't really a big fear of mine anymore.  Now I have two other fears that constantly occupy my mind during the summer time.

Learning how to make sure my baby is not choking!

1.) Drowning!    
         My absolute biggest fear in the entire world is that my sons will fall in dark water (like the lake, ocean, pond, river etc..) and sink straight to the bottom and I will not be able to do anything to save them.  I have had countless nightmares of my children falling off boats, docks, and river banks and me just diving down into the water to find them and coming back up for air sobbing and screaming...once I finally wake up I am usually covered in sweat, crying, or holding my breath.  Its a terrible dream.  I have been having these dreams since Max was just 6 weeks old.  No idea why, or if it is even a common parenting fear, but it terrifies me.  You basically have to drag me away from my kids in the summer time because I am always scared they will encounter some type of body of water while I am gone and nobody will pay attention and they will drown.

Max and Jerry's "breathing bath lessons"

          Because of this all consuming fear I have been trying to teach my children to swim or at least float, the minute their umbilical cords fell off.  My wonderful Dad was kind enough to heat the swimming pool up in the winter so the boys can "practice."  Max started off learning to hold his breath in the sink when I would give him baths.  When he was just 12 weeks old I would wash his hair and instead of very carefully pouring water over his head so that none got in his face or eyes, I would blow in his face (which makes a baby hold their breath) and pour water straight down his face.  The first couple times he hated it, but the more I cheered for him, the more he liked it.  At 6 months old I had him the pool and would blow in his face and then dunk him under water for just a split second.  Before you just get outraged with me and think I am abusing my children you have to realize that all of this worked!  I did the same process with Jerry and they both absolutely love the water, but at the same time have a fear and respect for it.  When Max was about one and a half he thought he would be brave and just jump in the pool without me...my biggest fear came true...my baby was in the water without me!  Luckily my dad was there and grabbed me and said he will never learn if I jerk him up, just give him a second.  A loooong 5-7 seconds later my dad jerked him out of the water and he was completely fine because we had taught him how to hold his breath, but he has never jumped in the water without me since then.  Now Max can swim like a fish!  One of the only 3 year olds I know that can take off swimming under water without any type of float.  Its truly amazing.  Its my goal to teach Jerry this summer.  Even though my kids know how to hold their breath and respect the water I am still terrified something will happen.  So I always say a little extra prayer for my kids (and every kid) during the summer that they won't drown.  So if you are saying prayers at night please say an extra prayer for my children that they will have a safe swimming filled summer.

Max's first swimming lesson in the pool

Jerry after his first swimming lesson.  I wasn't able to find the pictures of Jerry's first lesson in the pool :(

Max's first solo swim across the pool with floats!  Only a year old.  

2.)  Leaving my children in the car!
   
        I have no idea why this is such a big fear of mine.  My children are extremely loud, especially in the car, so I have no idea why I would be scared I could possibly leave them in a car and not remember.  However, I hear that this happens everyday!  I have told Max and Jerry's school teacher to always call me if my children are more then 10 minutes late for school, just in case I went brain dead and left them in the car!  My children are basically always with me, they only go to "school" once a week, but it is still a fear of mine.  If I ever drop my kids off somewhere I will get home and then run back to check the car 4-5 times just to make sure they are not still in there hiding or strapped in their seats.  Its an even bigger fear that someone else will forget and leave them in the car.  Again, they are usually not with anyone else, but when they are, whoever they are with is not used to the amount of energy they have and are often times exhausted when I return.  Sometimes I am afraid the boys will just fall asleep in their carseats and the car will get so quiet the person will just forget they are there and walk into the house, store, etc..  I seriously doubt it will happen, but I think about it all the time.

These fears make me feel sooo crazy, especially in the summer time!  I know I am a little neurotic, crazy, obsessed, or just openly normal about my fears.  I know every parent out there has to have a specific fear that just scares them to death...at least I hope so because otherwise I am completely nuts!!

Max's first time in "dark water danger!"

My mama sins...exposed

We all know that there are a lot of things that mamas are just not supposed to do.  I am guilty to a lot of them, and I usually feel pretty guilty every time, even if nobody is around.  With 2 children in their toddler years, there are days that it gets so hard around here I am just happy I make it to nap time and then bedtime, but then other days are so easy that I wonder why I don't get more done every day. Sometimes when Reed comes home from work and the house looks like an earthquake and tornado happened at the same time, I can just see the look of "what in the world do you do all day?!" There was a time when he actually said that!  So what did I do?  I promptly left him with the boys for a whole weekend and went to visit Autumn at Norman (his first alone weekend ever with the boys!).  I wanted to see if he was able to hold it together while I was gone...sure enough the house was worse than when I have the boys and he has a whole new level of respect for me and my job.  I may get "the look" sometimes, but it is because he is a completely obsessed neat freak and he can't completely help it.

My top 5 sins that bother me the most:

1.) I feed my children mac n cheese, ramen noodles, and (gasp) McDonalds Chicken nuggets!! 

         I  hate doing this!  It literally makes me cringe, but they just love it sooo much.  I try and only feed them this stuff in a pinch or when they absolutely refuse to eat anything else.  I tried the rule "they will eat when they are hungry" and it didn't work!!  Max went on hunger strike for 3 days once, only living off juice and milk.  I was standing strong that if he didn't eat any of the healthy food I gave him, then he would get nothing else.  The kid absolutely refused everything I made and I even broke out the good stuff like blueberry waffles and chocolate chip pancakes...nothing.  Fortunately, Jerry broke in just a few hours and he will thankfully eat anything I give him now, but Max landed himself in the hospital!  I officially felt like the worst mom in the whole entire world.  No matter how many times the doctor told me that it was not my fault and I was just doing what thousands of parents do, it still killed me!  The poor little guy had drank so much milk that it severely constipated him and he had to spend a whole day and night in the hospital.  Now anytime Max won't eat for a whole day, the next day I make the dreaded drive to McDonalds and embarrassingly order his "happy meal."


2.)  There are some days I let my boys watch 2-4 hours of tv a day!
      I try and never have the tv on for more than one episode at  time 3 times a day (morning cartoon-Mickey Mouse, after nap cartoon-Dora and our wind down family cartoon in our bed that is different everytime = usually about and hour to 1.5 hours a day. )  There are some days that I am just tired or need to get some laundry done, so I turn on the tv and just let zone out to the tv until I am done.  I really hate that my children love tv so much because I love to play with them and see their imaginations at work, but sometimes it is necessary.

3.)  Sometimes I just let my toddlers cry it out.
     I haven't ever really been a fan of the "cry it out" theory, but here lately it has been necessary.  I only do this when it is time for a nap or bedtime and they are refusing.  I used to spend hours reading books, singing lullabies, and cuddling and they still would be awake.  It was incredibly frustrating.  Now, after we go through our bedtime routine I very gently tell them good night and tuck them into bed and walk away and shut the baby gate as they are screaming with their arms out stretched.  It makes me cry a little everytime.  I don't think I am traumatizing them in any way, but it still hurts my feelings, as I am sure it hurts their feeling too.  Realistically they are 3 and almost 2, so they should be sleeping in their own bed, but they have been in mine since they were born.  I didn't just rip them out of my bed into their own, it was a process, more hard on Max than Jerry (Jerry liked to sleep in his crib sometimes). I hoping they will eventually quit crying and just enjoy their space.  The crying has been less and less every night, so hopefully it will be over soon.



4.) My children throw super market/walmart type of fits in public and home and I just ignore the action completely!

       Toddlers are notorious for fit throwing and my children are famous for it!  Its embarrassing and they will inevitably throw a fit or act up when there are a ton of people around.  I promise I have great and well mannered children...except sometimes they turn into gargoyles and act completely nuts!  I don't think I am doing a bad job parenting them, but I always get the bad parent look when I don't grab my kids up and spank them the minute they start a fit.  I have found it is best to completely ignore the fit throwing all together.  If their fit doesn't get any attention whatsoever, I think they will eventually stop because it doesn't even get them a look.  I go so far as to pretend I don't even see or hear them when they are throwing a fit.  This is hard to do in public because people always stare.  Don't get me wrong, I do spank my kids sometimes, but I don't think it is effective just because of a fit.  At home its easy to just carry them to a time out chair and they know they can't get up until they are done, but in public it can get difficult.

5.) Sometimes I just say "yes" because its easiest!
    Have you ever tried to tell a toddler no about anything?  If you haven't, you should try it sometime and see how fast their mood changes.  When Max asks for chocolate at the checkout line, most times I just say yes because that is the easiest and how bad could a little chocolate be...maybe I can even steal a bite.  Contrary to what people think, my children are not spoiled anymore than any other children who have parents who just think their kids are the best kids on the planet.  Its not like they ask for outrageous things, and if I can't answer my ultimate question "why would I not say yes?" then I just say yes.