Ok, so now she is here...finally!! We are living in a big bubble of new baby bliss so we didn't really think a lot about how other people would react or even comment on our new family member.
The first comment we encountered and still encounter almost daily, especially when we go out of town
"Wow you look great for just having a baby!"
What do you say to that?! If you say, "oh she was adopted" then I feel like I am singling out my new daughter from the rest of the family and already making her different. Plus, these complete strangers then take this as an opening to comment on what they think about adoption or ask inappropriate questions! I don't know you!!! Say she is cute and move on! However, if I just smile and say thank you, then I feel like I am lying and also giving women serious misconceptions about getting a body back after having a baby! Recovering from pregnancy sucks and it takes almost half a year to a year to even fit in normal people pants...not to mention the hormones! So when a mom with a newborn comes up to me and says how good I look for just having her I don't want to lie. I have decided to take the route of just saying thank you, I'm not a people person and you get less of a conversation from that.
Comment number 2
"She looks so different than your boys! Where does she get that dark hair, skin...etc."
So are you inadvertently accusing me of stepping out on my husband or just being weirdly nosey. Now lets remember these people are strangers, so even if I said something like, " oh she looks like my mom, " which is what I usually say, its not like they will know who or what my mom looks like. Just a little confused why they are even asking. Again, lets just agree she is adorably cute and move on with life.
Comments from people that know I have adopted but are not really even close to me at all or we have maybe only spoke once or twice in my lifetime are usually the worst. Sometimes they are meant to be complimentary, but its just hard to know how to react.
"She is so lucky to have you as a family"
Thank you so much for thinking my family is awesome, but we are the lucky ones. I realize that this is meant to be a nice thing to say, but I really don't know what to say. You don't say this to biological children! I never had someone come up to me when Max or Jerry was a baby and say that. Thank you so much for the compliment, but we love her so much and we feel like the blessed ones to have her in our life.
"So what is going to happen when she wants to talk to her real mother?"
Well I guess she will just walk over to me and talk to me. Yes, I am her real mother! I missed out on a total of 20 minutes of her life. She only knows me as a mother, not the women who was basically an incubator for 9 months. No disrespect to our birthmother, but she is not Abilene's mother. When Abilene gets older and if she would like to speak with her belly mom, it will be a family matter and decision. It is a sensitive subject and something that needs to be discussed throughly throughout Abilene's life. I understand adoption is still not a thing that happens a lot, but common sense would tell you that the birthmother is never ever referred to as "the real mother." That is just insulting and hurtful. I mean my 2 other children are sitting there and listening. What do you think they are thinking when they hear some crazy person say I am not a real mother.
I openly welcome anyone to ask me about adoption if you really want to know, especially if you are looking to adopt. I know how scary and weird the whole thing is, but it seems like strangers really need to learn some manners and common sense. When we get home we of course laugh at the situations, but in the moment I would be lying if I said it was not stressful. Just had to vent and giggle at the complete stupidity of people in the world
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