I had been dreading this day for an entire week. This was the day my sister would be showing all her cattle at the county fair. Due to lack of babysitters and Reed's busy work schedule, I could not help this year and I just had to watch and try to keep my kids under control. Taking all 3 kids to the county fair with little back up was a recipe for disaster! Let me point out just a few things that make it a complete nightmare:
It is HOT!
It is loud! Over simulation anyone?!
It is boring to children after about 5 minutes.
There is candy everywhere, which they are not allowed to have.
There are strangers everywhere, which makes a kids anxious.
Entertainment is scarce.
I tried super hard to prepare myself and my kids for this monumental task. We talked about it the day before, we had a "practice session" at our barn, and I allowed them each to pick 1 toy to take with them. We got a good nap in before we left, had lunch, packed snacks and toys and prayed for the best. Then my first mistake happened...about 5 minutes after we got out of the car.
I let Jerry have skittles! SKITTLES!! Straight sugar compacted into bite size morsels. I figured, "hey it's the county fair. Let the kid live a little!" I knew better...I let it happen anyways. About half a bag later, it was time for the show to start. We picked out a corner of the show barn to set down on the floor so we will stay out of the way, be able to play toys and still see the cattle. Then we got out the toys. Jerry picked super heroes to bring, Abilene brought her baby doll, and Max brought Dominos and a book. I know what you are thinking...Dominos?! Are you crazy? Usually I am not. Dominos entertain all of my children for hours. They build house out of them, line them up to knock over, and they like to match the colored dots. Fun for everyone! Except, Abilene picked today to become a defiant, pestering, little sister. Constantly walking over to knock them over or throw them all the way across the show barn. As the dominos hit the smooth concrete it made an ear piercing loud sound. Great! Now all attention is on us, I am easily embarrassed, so I acted in a way I would never do at home. At home, I would calmly say "uh-oh, did you throw your dominos?" and then I would pick them up and put them away. How did I act in front of all those piercing/judging eyes of the crowd? I blamed, named called, and used anger... "what's wrong with you?! You know we don't throw toys! Don't you realize that someone could get hurt? Because of these actions you will not get to play with the dominos any longer!" SO, I got exactly what I deserved. I gave them anger and frustration and all 3 of them gave it right back to me twice as bad.
Jerry and Abilene started fighting and pushing. Jerry started in with his trademark scream that makes your nerves feel like they are on fire! Everyone stares at me, a few whisper "looks like that kid needs a whippin!" So what did I do?! I took him outside and spanked him! Great parenting Amber! Giving in to peer pressure that is just what I needed right now.
What should I have done? Simple!
I should have said, " oh no, how sad! We have to go home now. We will come back when I don't have to worry about bad behavior."
Instead I stayed and made empty threats, showed a ton of frustration/aggression, and when Reed showed up after 3 HOURS OF TORTURE I took it out on him. My kids shouldn't have behaved the way they did, I shouldn't have parented the way I did. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of this terrible power struggle. FINALLY after the show was over I loaded the kids up in their carseats, shut the doors of the car (the kids inside the car with the music on and me outside the car) and had a screaming/cursing fit...with myself! I was absolutely at the end of my rope. Tons of anger pouring out of my mouth (pretty loudly). All of my favorite 4 letter words to say and a few I made up in the heat of the moment in a combination that made absolutely no sense at all. People literally stopped in their track and looked at me like I was insane...I felt insane. It was probably a spectacle to see. About 5 minutes of this adult temper tantrum and my husband peeks around the car and says "wow that was one of your best!" Great Reed, using a tactic I use on the children. Did I feel better after the tantrum? NO Did it help anything? Not at all. Did my kids hear it? Thankfully no.
From complete anger to complete sadness I just look up and start to cry my eyes out. You know the type with snot and hiccups? Yeah it was that kind of cry. Reed hands me his truck keys and says see you get home. He knew I was way past gone. I sat in the truck and cried for about another 5 minutes, called some good friends who reassured me I didn't damage my children in one day of really bad parenting and that I would have the chance to try it all again. It is a guarantee they will act up again.
I came home and it seemed as all had passed. They were not damaged, I was starting to calm down, and thank God it was only 30 minutes until bedtime! I put the kids to bed with sweetness that would make you teeth hurt (trying to make up for my sour attitude all day), promptly took 2 Tylenol pm and fell asleep in the chair in the living room with my poop covered boots and my clothes that were covered in blood, sweat, and tears.
Will I ever have a bad day again? YEP! Will I parent that way again? Shit NO!
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| Good parenting = Good kids. I will do better next time. |
